The week in between

It´s now 3 days left until I´m on stage playing the Scriabin piano concerto with the Trondheim Symphony Orchestra. So this week has been the week "in between." It´s quite special to do two big romantic piano concertos within 1,5 weeks. I spent Monday in Oslo having a lesson with Håvard Gimse. Pretty "hardcore" coming straight from Moldova and Grieg. But it was really nice to shift the focus instantly like that. And not surprisingly, I´ve spent the rest of the week practicing the concerto. 

But here´s the funny thing: I feel like this has been the calmest May ever. How can I say that having 2 major concertos? Well.. it´s just 2 things. 2 times 30 minutes - that´s not too bad? Earlier I´ve had tons of things to do! I think it´s all the smaller things that´s stressful for you. If you have plenty of "little" things, it´s harder for the mind to cope with. Now I have 2 things. And it´s not possible to practice hours and hours either, because it´s so physical. And if you practice alot when your body and mind is tired, you might as well create more problems for you than you actually solve. So I think it´s better to take care of body and mind, relax, be in the present moment and enjoy everything that´s happening. If you think too much about the exam, you will be stressed out, and it´s absolutely useless. So you get more energy, and you can practice as much as you have to, in an effective way, and stop. This is probably also a reason why everything has felt calmer and more joyful this spring - simply a development of consciousness. Or maybe I freak out tomorrow after the first rehearsal with the orchestra and regret having said all this. Haha. 

I met the conductor today! A very nice and funny Lithuanian guy called Vytautas Lukocius. We went through the concerto and talked about some things. So I´m pretty sure that the rehearsal tomorrow won´t be THAT frightening. He was definitely not frightening and we had dinner afterwards. I actually look forward to it because it will be nice hearing the lovely music as it should be, not just with the solo piano part. It´s also nice to play WITH someone and having another person being in charge of the tempo for instance. It´s like the responsibility is less compared to doing a solo recital where everything is solely on your shoulders. Vytautas actually gave me credit for learning this particular concerto, because it´s really difficult compared to the effect. Meaning, you have to spend a lot of time practicing music that´s really difficult, but doesn´t necessarily sound impressive. Sometimes you play a heck of a lot of notes that you really don´t even hear because the orchestra is pretty much covering you. 

The british pianist Stephen Hough actually made a point out of this with the Rachmaninov 2. concerto. He says it´s perfect for a nervous pianist (like Rachmaninov himself) because the piece starts with some simple chords, kinda to try the instrument. Then you play all these fast broken chords that the audience won´t really hear because the orchestra has the main theme in fortissimo. So you could play nervous mistakes and it won´t matter anyway. And then you have this slow lyrical melody after this which is so beautiful that the audience will adore it. And Rach 3, the legendary and huge concerto, starts with a melody which is so simple that anyone could play it. Intelligent composing :-) The Rachmaninov concertos also has a lot of wonderful candenzas and other passages which are effective - it has an effect on the audience. They also end with some great virtuoso climax so that the audience will jump off their seats and shout "bravoooo." So it´s of course more tempting to spend alot of time preparing a concerto like that. Scriabin requires a lot of work and effort, but it´s not frequently performed. But I´m glad I did it! And it will be a great week I think. 

Moldova

2 days late this time, so sorry about that. I got back from Moldova late Sunday evening and was very busy on Monday. But here it is. 

I´ve had a wonderful week in Moldova performing the Grieg A-minor concerto with the National Philharmonic Orchestra on the 15th. The national day of Norway was on May 17th, so that was very convenient. Very interesting idea that a country like Moldova chooses to have a Norwegian day doing a full Grieg concert! Grieg is a very popular composer in Moldova too! I arrived Tuesday evening and was showed around a little bit. The town Chisinau is quite beautiful because it´s so green! Moldova was under Sovjet until it fell in 1991 and they got independent after this. They´ve been struggling with the economy ever since. But they have very nice wine, wonderful food, nice people and quite a lot of culture. The Eastern European culture is very strong and it has always been the case it seems. There are so many wonderful musicians coming from Russia and other Eastern countries. And I have very great respect for them, especially the pianists of course being a pianist myself. They have this wonderful ability to combine tremendous technique with amazing soul and musicianship. It´s like they understand that music isn´t just mere entertainment, it really means something! 

And this is of course reflected in the fact that people show up for the concerts! This concert was sponsored by the Norwegian Embassy in Romania. And as I know that many people are reading this blog, I would like to give my warmest gratitudes to the organizers, both from the Embassy and the Moldovan side! It was a very special day for me and it was such a pleasure meeting all of you and getting to know you a little bit. This also goes for the Scandinavian guests that attended! Thank you for the sight seeing, the food, the Eurovision Song Contest Party (!!) and openness. And of course thank you for inviting me to the 17th of May celebration. And last but not least thank you to all the people who attended the concert! This concert was free of charge, and "everybody" came. By everybody I mean that people brought their entire families and showed up to enjoy some nice music. The house was full (5-600 people I think?). It certainly warms my heart to see that so many people will come because of sheer interest of nice music. Classical music in the west is by many people regarded as a "high culture" thing. Like it´s something that gives status, something refined that people from the higher parts of society can identify with. For others it´s an intellectual thing. Music can be intellectual too, but if don´t let go and let it flow into our inner software, you miss the whole point I think. I´m not trying to generalize here, but I know that many people in the west a reluctant to go to such concerts because they don´t think they are smart enough, fine enough or good enough for it. Like it will go right above their heads.. This is why I thought it was so nice to see all these people on the concert in Moldova. They applauded between the movements, some cell phones rang, some people came late, some people left in the middle.. they broke the "rules.." But in a way that was nice. As long as it´s honest and comes from the heart. Classical music should never be "dangerous." Come and enjoy.

For me personally it was a wonderful experience to do this concert. I think the end result was pretty satisfying. Of course not perfect. But that doesn´t matter. I´m not striving for perfection anyway, as long as I felt that I gave something from myself, that there was some passion, fire, something genuine about it. I have this idea in my system how it feels to be an experienced concert pianist. First of all I can say that it must be a very demanding thing to do in life. I think to be a concert pianist like I´m picturing it, you must have a tremendous technique, energy and openness. I faced some external challenges that I´m sure all concert pianists have experienced at least once in their life. For instance, the touch of the piano was very hard and heavy. This means that you have to work and be active on every single note. Playing in a hall were the acoustics are bone dry is NOT helping. In addition to that you have to face your own body and mind´s reaction to the stressful situation. AND it sometimes gets hot as hell on stage - which it was. And you have to deal with all this at once and do a performance as good as possible. It´s like compressed spirituality! You have to accept it, be in the moment, flow along with it and expand and express. Perfection for me is being able to do those things! It´s not about playing the right notes, it´s about having the inner security, energy, intensity and tremendous power and confidence to face all these things flawlessly. I´m not there yet, but I didn´t expect that either. But I´m grateful for the challenges I faced, because that only gives more experience to it. And experienced is highly needed. I´m more and more happy about choosing to dedicate the 6 months at the Banff Centre in Canada from September. It will give me much more technical power and stability + much more. If I can also give some sincere dedication to the deep development of my hardware and software (body and mind), everyday, in Banff and hopefully intensely through a Yoga and Meditation retreat in India, it would also strongly contribute career wise. (Although that is about developing in all parts of life.) 

There´s probably alot more I could say about Moldova, but I´ll leave it there for now. I´m only a week away from the next big concert now. That will be Scriabin Piano Concerto with the Trondheim Symphony Orchestra next Wednesday. It´s my final Master Exam concert And that´s a very special thing because it means that my time at the conservatory in Trondheim is definitely over. It´s a symbolical (and also practical) transition. I no longer have any formal ties to Trondheim and everything is open. More on that next time I guess! :-)

Sundayblog on Monday

Hi everybody! Sorry about the delay! This blog is one day too late unfortunately. The reason is that I´m on my way to Moldova and I spent last night in Oslo. I wasn´t able to log on to internet for some strange reason. But after touching some wires, unplugging, replugging, restarting, it suddenly started working. So.. here I am. 

As I said, I´m on my way to Moldova! I´m going to perform the Grieg A-minor concerto with the Moldova National Philharmonic Orchestra in Chisinau. And that´s a really cool thing. I think I could say that it is the biggest adventure of my life so far. Maybe that sounds strange since I´ve played like 50 concerts in the USA and Canada. But that was, and still is ofcourse, my own project. I planned it, booked it and organized it myself (more or less.) So that´s indeed adventurous. Some people have actually compared it to some of the good old Norwegia adventurers of the past. You get a crazy idea of doing something wild on your own, and you go through with it. But the thing with Moldova is that I didn´t move a finger to achieve it. I simply got an e-mail from a lady in Moldova called Irina almost a year ago. She invited me to perform the Grieg concerto with their orchestra the 15th of May 2009. I actually thought it was spam! So I almost deleted it. But after reading the entire e-mail (twice), I realized that this was the real thing. So it´s so special for me because it was an invitation from a European orchestra to be their guest soloist. And it´s the first time! 

I don´t know much about Moldova though. I know it´s a financially poor country. They´ve also been part of Romania and Russia. I also know they had some sort of a riot there during the election this winter because the communists won the election. I think.. Don´t quote me on anything here.. I don´t really pay attention to the news. But what I recently discovered is that they are a major wine producer! They have really nice food and great wine. And I also assume that it´s quite cheap! This is the beauty of being a Norwegian tourist - in any country really. But especially in Eastern Europe: you feel rich! You can eat on restaurants and have dessert and wine everyday if you want to. And I think we want to. I mean.. if you buy a cocktail in Oslo you could easily pay as much as $15 - which is absolutely ridiculous.. In Moldova i think you can have dinner with wine and dessert for around $10 all in all. Again, don´t quote me on this... But you get the picture. 

I really look forward to it. I´m having fun practicing the Grieg Concerto now, and I think it will be more fun than frightening to be on stage performing it. According to my impression from YouTube, the Moldova Philharmonic Orchestra is a pretty darn good one too. You know, the eastern musicians are really good! They are very disciplined, technically great and with a lot on their hearts. Just listen to the Russian pianists for instance. When they play, it´s like the heaviness of the Russian history is compressed in what they do. Rachmaninov is a great example. Music is not just something humans invented for fun - or out of boredom or need of entertainment. Music is telling something, expressing something that you can´t do with words. It connects people to their emotions, to nature, to anything that can be called divine, to history, to human psychodrama... etc. In holistic societies like for ex India, music is a part of the entire system that is created to help humans to Enlightenment. Nature and even Cosmos create music on their own. Music is vibration, and everything else is vibration also. So I´m thinking that music is bigger than us.. 

But in our western culture which is based on logic rather than intuition and holism, it´s very difficult to understand this. For a strictly intellectual mind, it´s hard to see music as something of significance to our society or the human race per se. Even many (most) musicians of today don´t connect to the deeper, spiritual meanings of music. We create competition out of this too and reach for perfection. Even classical music sometimes becomes a vehicle for our intellect and logic, or let´s say it´s a reflection of everything else. But I think we´ve reached the summit now. There are so many pianists that are able to play anything with tremendous technical perfection. And their expression is limited to: make a fish-face here, grin here, make a big gesture here, move your body in a slightly irregular, circular movement here.. and voila! you have expression - at least expression enough to score high in competitions. But the general public will see through it.. not with their mind, but with their intuition. I think we will soon yawn over great technical achievements. We´ve heard it before... And even if they get acknowledgement for a period, I don´t think they will be remembered in the future. Because I believe that true art goes beyond intellect.. REALLY true art also goes beyond our emotions I think.. it gets part of spirituality. 

Anyway.. Next Sunday I will be back in Oslo after Moldova! I´ll tell you everything about it! 

Society and such things

When I wrote the last blog, I had been meditating a lot and felt I had a good overview of Society, the illusions and all that. This week has been somewhat of a contrast! For instance today I´ve spent the entire day - really! like 9 hours - writing e-mails to possible sponsors of my next USA tour, application for financial support, budget, itineraries, I´ve been searching for flights, rental cars AND I´ve done all the tax papers by going through everything that has happened on my account in 2008. I like to do administrative work on Sundays, but this was almost an overkill. Earlier this weekend we´ve celebrated 1st of May by having lunch with elderly aunts, uncles, friends of the family, parents and sister + husband. 

So to put it this way: if my mind was wandering to some kind of atmospheric sphere of bliss last Sunday, I´m firmly back on the ground this week. And interestingly enough, that´s an exact demonstration of the dilemma I was mentioning last week. Because this is society... It´s work that HAS to be done just by the fact that we choose to live in this society. Money and formalities exist, so we have to deal with it. But when you meditate intensely and experience a state where you´re happy and blissful for no reason - just by existing, just by BEING - you realize that your life would be perfectly fulfilling just by sitting in a park watching the clouds. So this becomes somewhat of a dilemma. So on one side, you realize that the only right thing to do is to say "no" to society. Because if you attach yourself to it, and let yourself be controlled by it, then you´re responsible for it too. Because you are society. So if you are on a spiritual path, you will reach a place down the road where you feel you have to let go of society. It can be difficult and painful, because you see how wicked it can be and how much stupid drama people create in their lives. And.. we have made ourselves dependent on it, we identify with it and attach ourselves to it. It´s almost as we feel we´re losing track of reality by doing it. But as I said - how can something created by people´s minds and egos be called reality? If you start thinking in a deeper level...

As I claimed last week: society is the collective projection of the human mind. The Indian Master Nithyananda was once asked by someone in the audience: "How do I solve a troubled mind?" And Nithyananda, who is a very funny man actually, answered: "Why do you use 2 words for the same thing? Mind is trouble by nature. You can´t solve mind with mind." By mind, I guess he means the human psychology and thought processes. Now.. if society is mind, society will be contradicted, fragmented and troubled by its very nature. It´s a psychodrama! This leads to some very interesting conclusions, for instance that politics can never create peace. And if your mind is society, then the only thing that can be done if you really want peace to happen in the world (in your society), is to clear your own mind and let love, peace and bliss enter your being. If enough people do that and radiate it to the world, which they would do automatically, peace would be achieved. So, total peace can only be achieved by creating peace in each and every individual on the planet! By penetrating the mind and going beyond it, the trouble will be replaced by peace. So the problems in society can´t be solved by fighting with it and creating war (physical or psychological). It has to be penetrated from the inside and replaced by love. And it can only start with you! Politics is just a way of controlling the outer things - society - mind - ego - trouble. But we have to go IN! I think this is extremely fascinating!! 

So I guess the dilemma is solved by living in society and do all the things needed. But without attaching to it, not being psychologically controlled by it, not taking it too seriously, not involving any ego into it. Then you will always carry the joy and bliss from the meditative state of the NOW and doing all the societal things, but merely as a game or seeing it as a show of the human psychodrama. Because you would know that if everything crashes - you loose all your money, things, job etc - you can still sit in the park watching the clouds roll by in perfect fulfillment. 

Spring is here!

Hello again everybody. We´ve had a beautiful weekend in Trondheim with nice temperatures and shining sun. A touch of summer. We had around 60 degrees F. I guess you people from Palm Springs and Phoenix are laughing at us now. That´s a cold winter day for you guys.. Hehe. I´m thinking about spending a few days in Palm Springs in late August this year, before my tour. Just to get things in perspective temperature wise. Hopefully I´ll survive. 

There´s really nothing much to tell about my doings this week. I have been practicing Scriabin and Grieg, and feel that I have good control of it. Parts of the Scriabin concerto is almost ridiculously complex. Thank god he didn´t write the concerto a few years later, when he really started to go crazy... The reason why it´s almost ridiculous at times, is that the some of the difficulties can´t really be heard by the audience! So no-one will notice anyway. Haha. I´ve been listening to recordings by great artists, and most of them know the noble art of cheating. 

Besides this I have practiced my meditation, done my exercises to loosen up my muscles to allow the energy to flow, better my posture and making it easier to sit for hours at the piano. I´m also actually working out now.. can you believe it.. This actually creates some interesting dilemmas. Because.. (here we go with the deeper stuff again) When you´re developing yourself, it´s kind of like climbing steps. And when you enter a new step or level, naturally you have to leave another one. And then you also leave some habits, routines, bad things.. Because what you´re actually doing is increasing your awareness and rising in consciousness. And this is great. But the thing is that it´s not always that easy to do that. Because you´re actually changing reality for yourself. You start identifying with different things. And then you have to let go of other things! Because you have to let go of something old to allow something new to happen. It´s a wonderful truth. I´ve been very conscious about this truth at times, and it has helped me a lot on my path. This requires a bit of courage, because by letting go of something, we almost feel that we loose a part of our identity! This includes negative things too! Actually, I think that people that have been depressed for a long time, identify themselves with being depressed. They are almost afraid of not being depressed, because this has become part of their identity.

I think the core reason is that we resist change. We want things to be stable and solid. But nothing in this world, related to life on planet earth, in the phenomenal plane of Existence, in the matter, or in Reality as most people like to call it, is stable and solid. Everything is constantly changing. It´s the very nature. The structure of atoms is different from one millisecond to another. We try to grab on to the NOW. But it´s a battle that can´t be won. It will only lead to frustration, depression and war. This happens in the individuals whether we like it or not, and the collective part of it is what we call Society. Now.. this is someting I could write a lot about, but this blog is already getting quite long. I´m somewhere on my path where I have trouble relating to this society. The society I know is formed by need for power, market power, marketing, attention-need, and everything else related to EGO. Now, here comes the thing: Society is you! And me. Us. Society is the projection of the human mind. Isn´t it so? We´re creating society every day. Society is the sum of the human minds that live in it. So society is just a projection of our thoughts and egos... and maybe a tiny portion of love. But I seriously claim that most people don´t really know what love really is. And this is what people like to call Reality. Then they start attaching and relating and engaging themselves in it and make it serious. Society is NOT reality. It´s just a human construction which isn´t even conscious. And if you see through all this, see the mechanisms, the drama, all "serious" issues that really don´t mean a thing in the whole picture, what should you do? 

I have a lot of things to say about this. But I´ll leave this open for now and continue next Sunday! Have a nice week!

2. blog

Welcome to the second Sunday blog! I know that the link has been distributed to a number of people both in the USA and people related to my friend in Lanzarote, Ola´s blog. First of all I´d like to apologize in advance for all the grammatical errors you will find in these blogs. I don´t really proof read that much since I try to write spontaneously. It´s been an interesting week. I feel that I´m in a very exciting period of my life now. Things are happening more on an experiential level. I´ve been in a relationship for a short time. Pretty intense.. I learned a lot and are still learning a lot from that. I will probably write more about that later. But it´s kinda fresh, so I need to get it more on a distance so I can see it more clearly myself. 

I´ve also started the process of detaching more from my thoughts and living in the present moment. You see, when you think, you´re either in past or future! The present moment can only be experienced through sensing or just BEING. Thoughts are actually for the most part pretty irrational. And it´s mostly things from the past that´s recycled over and over again. It causes unnecessary and irrational worry and suffering. I think I´m more of a dreamer, so my mind tends to wander into the future. It´s kinda hard to let go, I must admit that. It´s like loosing your personality. Or you get the feeling that you´re unable to make good plans or have ambitions or remembering the past. It´s like a need of control! But judging from the past 2-3 weeks of high awareness, the power of the now is pretty immense! It seems like it generates a tremendous amount of energy and happiness. You´re happy for no apparent reason. Because we take all the small things in life for granted! When you live with high awareness in the present moment, you start feeling joyful and grateful for EVERYTHING. Food tastes better, taking a shower is like making love or something, just the act of walking is a nice thing. I´ve eaten less, slept less and had more energy. Sounds magical. 

Hmm, before this escalates.. I remember someone said after the first blog last Sunday: "don´t get to philosophical now!!" HAHA. Hmm, I wonder if I can NOT be just that. I mean, I could tell you that it´s raining heavily outside now and that it´s pretty darn cold in Trondheim at the moment. What can I say which isn´t something with deeper meaning. I mean, that´s what I´m into at the moment. I could tell you that I´m practicing a lot now a days. I´m preparing Grieg´s Piano Concerto and Scriabins Piano Concerto for two concerts with orchestras in May. My technique is improving alot now. I really look forward for it and I´m not worried (power of the now.) So it´s fun being a pianist at the moment. I´m very optimistic about the future too. Another thing about living in the present moment (here we go again...), is that it opens up your intuition. The ideas that arise from that state are just really good it seems. Because they come from your heart, guts, intuition instead of so called logical thinking. So they are instant and "idealistic." I´m just telling you, if you get an idea like that. Not something that you logically think your way through step by step and reach a conclusion. But like an instant idea: go for it. Do it! Don´t think to much about it, how, why etc. If it feels like a great idea, idealistic or not, go for it!! The first time I did that, I ended up touring in the USA! 

I have two such ideas now. On of them is to go to India for a period of intense meditation and spiritual awareness. Another one is to live for a longer period in the USA. There´s actually a very specific idea of doing a Graduate Certificate program at the USC. I´m also drawn to living in the desert, Palm Springs seems to be a good option there. The most recent idea that landed in my head was to attend a number of piano competitions from 2010! The thought of competing in music is just wrong in my world though. And I´ve been having a lot of resistance on it. So when I got the idea it was like: Damn! Now I have to actually do this. Haha. I just think that the next 2-3 years will be very interesting and important in my career. I have a good feeling about it. And I do think that the USA will be my entry point somehow. 

Ok, that´s it for this week! Enjoy yourselves and have a wonderful week to come!

Welcome to my Sunday Blog!!

Good Evening everbody! 

Or.. good morning or afternoon depending on where you are in the world and to what time you´re reading it. But it´s Sunday evening here in Norway where I´m sitting. The idea of having a blog came to me many years ago. So far I´ve only had project blogs from tours for instance. But having a regular general blog is something that I´ve wanted for a long time. Now is the time, and I´ve decided to update it every Sunday. That MUST be possible to do.. I´ve never been a fan of structure and system really, but even I must be able to update this blog every Sunday. 

I´ve decided to write the blog in English.. you know.. to make it as international as possible. If you don´t read English, you better learn it. Otherwise you won´t get anything out of this blog. I´m not so sure if you´ll get anything out of it anyway - but we´ll see how it goes. I don´t know what the blog will be about. It depends on the content of my brain in the time of writing it. For those of you who know me, or at least think you know me, you´re aware of the fact that my brain is filled with some pretty strange stuff sometimes. So it could be interesting! 

Hmm so.. do I really have that big of an ego..? To actually think that my writings will be interesting for people to read? I don´t know.. Maybe that´s not even the purpose of this blog. For me this will probably be like a vent, or a meditation. Hopefully it will be like a floating river, like automatic writing. It will be an act of writing whatever comes down from my system and pushing the "publish" button. So there won´t be any pattern to these blogs I guess. But I will write whatever comes to mind. If I´ve experienced something, I can write about that. If I have some new ideas or thoughts, I´ll write about that. So it will be like a diary for me. And maybe you can actually get something out if it sometimes! Or maybe it will entertain you? Maybe I will provoke your thoughts? Compared to the majority of things that come out of the junkbox - also called TV, maybe this is a fairly good alternative? Ok.. there ARE some good stuff on TV. But very little... 

I´ve learned a new english word by the way - Auspicious. It´s a very nice word infact. It means something like favorable, marked by success, prosperous etc. I could mention that I came across the word when I studied a book I just bought. Not just a book, but also a discourse and a meditation workshop. The book is called Living Enlightenment by Paramahamsa Nithyananda. He´s a spiritual master from India and has a world-wide foundation based on spiritual practice rooted in the ancient Vedic tradition in India. The word was used as an explanation of the name Shiva. Shiva was an enlightened master from the past. The word Shiva means "causeless auspiciousness." I´ll just leave that in the air for now. Now you have something to think about! I hope this blog gets many followers, so feel free to spread the link to your friends! Until next Sunday - buhbye!